Lakers face uphill battle in tough conference

LOS ANGELES — Before we see what’s cookin’ in the Spaghetti Western Conference (eight projected playoff teams, in no particular order), it has come to my attention Kim Jong-un isn’t quite as big an NBA freak as publicized. On the other hand, a North Korean source (David Petraeus wishes he had my contacts) reveals he was a big fan of the lockout.

Lakers

“We almost have to be perfect this season,” Kobe Bryant said Wednesday night at dinner. “There’s little margin for error.”

His damaged right wrist that supposedly can’t get worse with game use/abuse, the team medical staff maintains (famous last words), fractioned that margin. This could get unsightly and unfriendly real fast.

Lamar Odom was donated to the defending champion Mavs without receiving so much as a squeaky working part in exchange. There’s a conspicuous nonexistence of a bouncy, brainy orchestrator, like, say, Chris Paul or Chauncey Billups, to stage-manage Mike Brown’s revamped offense (as opposed to clear-it-out-and-let-LeBron-go-one-on-one) and stay in front of dribbling machines. Andrew Bynum is suspended for the first four games and operates on 25-year-old, four-time surgically repaired knees. Pau Gasol is in a flamin’ funk in the wake of nearly being extradited to Houston after contributing decidedly to two titles and three Finals forays in four seasons. And World Peace is finding it Mettaphysically impossible to shoot as well as Ron Artest did.

It sure looks like management is more interested in decreasing luxury tax debt — saving $17.8 million this season in Odom’s case — than winning it all this season, Kobe lamented.

“Hopefully, management knows what it’s doing and will provide us with our missing pieces,” Bryant said. “Hey, I’m just a player. I have no input concerning anything that happens here. In fact, I learned we’d hired our coach from reading it online. I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with Jimmy [Buss, managing owner]. Occasionally, I’ll cross paths with Mitch [Kupchak, general manager] and we’ll speak for a couple minutes about nothing really.

“I’ve never known what’s going on. That’s why I went public [in May 2007] and demanded a trade. When it became obvious to me that management wasn’t trying to compete for a championship, I felt my only recourse was to embarrass [owner Jerry Buss] into doing it.” Hence the hijacking of Gasol from Memphis.

So, how do you think your team is going to do, I asked Kobe, who has insistently denied rumors he’ll demand to be traded. Expectations can’t be too high.